An End and A Beginning

     For those who don't know, my college officially ended last month. The students of my batch no longer have the obligation to attend college, and we have technically graduated although the official ceremony will only be conducted next year. We only have to come on days where we have our finals. The thing is, I've had this whole last-day-of-college vision in my head. I imagined lots of tears, coming from me. I imagined this empty and heavy feeling in my chest because I had to leave my second home. I imagined this ache of not being able to see my friends again, since our cities and towns are hours and hours apart. But I didn't feel those. And I don't know what to make of it.

     Don't get me wrong. I loved everything about coming here. I loved the city, I loved the environment, I loved the people. I learned to make friends by myself instead of doing it through mutual friends. I learned how to take the train. I learned to choke down my own-cooked food even when it's awful and takes on an unexplainable shape. This whole experience has been so kind to me. I was happy, I was free, I was light. It wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be, and the people I've become acquainted with are now such a big part of my life. All these only contradict how neutral I feel about leaving. Instead of looming on the big sad fact that all this will be over soon, I found myself making plans. When to move out of my hostel. What jobs to get. Part-time or freelance. How much will I earn. What new language should I pick up. Should I start an online business. How do I handle airport procedures. Which country should I fly off to next.

     For someone who loved everything about college (except Chemistry), I surprised myself when I realized that I am able to move on very soon without missing that much of it. Maybe the feelings would only hit me after everything actually ends, but as of now, I'm just drifting from place to place, moment to moment, time to time. I take the train back to my hometown when I need to, and I take the train back to the city when I have exams. If I see you, cool, we hang out for a while. If we don't, it's cool too, we both have stuff going on in our lives. Is this how things are supposed to be? Shouldn't I be doing some, I don't know, pre-reminiscing, or something?

     Hence, I came up with two explanations. One, I am a cold-blooded asshole who forms no emotional bonds and only cares about herself. Two, the unconscious part of me has acknowledged that it is time to leave. Like it did with school, you know? Sure, it was sad leaving the people I've been around for 11 years, but we all knew it was time. Time to move on to the next chapter, and greet the people who will be there to welcome us. Time to see what's in store for us next.

     All the people you've met will remain with you. They've fed you with experience, making you grow with time. In this way, you carry them with you. Remember the people who changed your perspectives. Who taught you that society is not all roses and no thorns. Who taught you how to stand up for yourself. Who made you realize that you really do not have it that bad. Who showed you that you still have plenty of room for improvements. Who inspired you to go further than you ever did.

For a Friend

I have this friend in college who talks openly about his emotions on facebook. That is his way of expressing what he feels, the same way bloggers express their thoughts through their respective blogs. Yesterday, he revealed how he had a friend in primary school whom he considered his best friend but the person did not consider him the same. He still seem sad about this when he thinks back, and I'm here to say that he should move on. I'm saying this in the most affectionate way possible. To be honest, I think most of us went through that. I think I did too, but it's so far back that I don't even remember who it was. The point is, he has a new life now, surrounded by new friends. And trust me, he is loved dearly by us all. We might not show it all the time, openly, but some of us show it through our actions.

I sent this friend the link to this post. And this is my message to him. Stop worrying about losing your friends. Cause we all appreciate you very much, wws. Stop overthinking, and stop assuming that you are less important than any of us. We are all significant, important, and loved. So are you. Remember that.