Mental debates

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying so hard. Trying so hard to be different.

You see, I have this little obsession over not wanting to be typical. I don't want to be a typical girl who, umm, retweets tonnes of love quotes and posts selfies three times a week and constantly apply make-up and wear colored contacts which are so obviously fake.

Anyway, let me give you a sneak peek of what's going on in my mind.

"What's up with the girls I know in real life why are they so emotional all the time on the internet"
Well umm they actually have a real love life unlike you who's stuck in the fictional world and they miss their boyfriends like how YOU will too IF you have one (I miss Connor and he's fictional).

"Oh another edited selfie and look at all those likes oh well you have thousands of friends that's why"
Oh come on joyi I bet you'll do the same and post three selfies a week if you're pretty like them but sadly you're not photogenic so you just settled on being annoying.

"Why do people even wear make-up to tuition"
Joyi the only reason you don't wear make-up is because you're so lazy and not bothered to make yourself pretty and that you don't know how to apply them and that you're scared that the eyeliner pokes into your eyes (It hurts).

"Those contacts look so fake and opaque they scare me"
Girl you don't wear contacts because the chlorine burns your eyes like they're dipped in acid. It's not that you don't want to. You're just too chicken to wear them. *background music: clucks like chickens*

I think I'm getting myself into a lot of trouble because of this post.
.................................
.................................
.................................
.................................
.................................
 
And I also think that I should write a book with two POVs.

Dear people who fake your NILAM reports

Here's one thing I'm going to be honest with.

I judge people who fake their NILAM reports. (Sorry not sorry)

Both Danny and I get annoyed when people borrow our NILAM books so that they can copy it.

Like seriously niggas, you haven't read the book, you don't know who the author is, you have no idea how the plot is, you don't know the name of the main character, you don't even know how the cover of the book looks like, and you're gonna pretend you read the book?

Seriously though, teachers should know better. Choose a random book from every student's NILAM book and ask them briefly what it is about.

I would love to see that happen. Them and their confused faces. Hah.

Sorry for being mean, I just can't help it. *shrugs*

You know I get protective over things I like and love. So yeah, I am going to judge you if you pretend you have read books you haven't and wins the freaking anugerah NILAM.

(P/S: This post is in general and not directed to anyone. Tapi siapa termakan cili dialah terasa pedasnya kan.)

The Fault in Our Stars

Current mood: I really want to post tfios quotes on Facebook but I'm a selfish bitch who doesn't like sharing.

So, I finished reading tfios last night and slept at three.

(My exams are still on next week but yolo, I wouldn't be able to stay up that late reading history anyway)

Firstly, I feel disappointed. Not with the book of course (John Green wrote amazingly, god knows how he does it), but with myself. Here's the thing about me. I am an emotion-obsessed person. Whenever I watch a movie or read a book, I want to feel it completely. This is because I believe that you only get to experience the feeling of reading and watching something for the first time for only ONCE. Rereading and rewatching something doesn't feel the same. So my advice to you, do not ever screw up the first time you read and watch something. Do it alone, away from distractions. I always choose to read at the middle of the night, while everyone is asleep. That way I can assure myself that I can cry as much as I want, because my mom is not going to call me to ask me to eat or stuff.

Anyway, back to the reason behind my disappointment with myself. I am disappointed that I am not giving justice to the book. I cried, yes, but I didn't feel the pang in my heart like I always do when I read books where people die. And it's completely my fault. Even though English is my best language out of the four languages I know, I'm not good enough at it. The book was too deep for me, the emotions too raw. I haven't experienced loss, so I couldn't relate. I hated that bit because it was a good book, and I'm missing out. My stomach did not lurch and I hated that. I hate reading something heartbreaking and not feel heartbroken. And it's all my fault because I cannot relate because I haven't lost anything or anyone. And the language was quite hard for me at some points of the book because I'm not good enough at English you see. It's just, god damn it John, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to Hazel and to Augustus and to Isaac and to Peter Van Houten and to everyone else in the book because I did not feel enough. I was being unfair to the book.

The Fault in Our Stars is basically made up of quotes. I can quote that book forever. I have a little notebook for my book quotes but this time I'm not gonna copy down tfios quotes because I'll keep rereading them and ruin the book the next time I reread it because I would've memorized them by then.

But I'm not going to post the quotes here because my only friend who reads my blog have not read the book and I don't want to give her spoilers.

(Once a friend told me that Jacob will imprint on Renesmee before I reach that part of the book and that basically ruined my entire Breaking Dawn experience, so no, no spoilers for you peeps)

Anyway, it is confirmed that Ansel Elgort will be playing Augustus and Shailene Woodley will be playing Hazel and both of them act as siblings in Divergent so Twitter is pretty chaotic at the moment.

Thanks for spending time reading my rantings.

 

(P/S: Mister John Green. Psychology of a cancer patient. You nailed it. Clap for yourself okay?) 

Untitled

I am scared. The whole world is against me.

Even the music is not loud enough to block the voices and the fear.

Shouldn't have grown up. Should've just stayed in my perfect little fictional world. Should've remained oblivious. I don't know which side to listen to.