Trash

Please. I am not a doll. Stop treating me like that okay? All of you are picking me up and playing with me when you wanted to and left me in the trash can when you're done with me. Even a doll gets better treatments than that. I have feelings okay? I know it when you don't call me to go library with you guys. I know it when you guys go parade without me. I also know it when you guys go for swimming every Saturday and not invite me. And I don't even get a "Wish you were there!" message or a "Why weren't you there??" I have been putting up my hopes so high. Can I please stop knowing everything through Facebook? Even that day, for Anna's birthday, I know that I am probably the last person that you people call. You guys planned everything and asked me to go, not plan together with me. When has things change so much? And dear, you're not even talking to me properly in school, haven't you notice at all? You're still the same when I'm texting you but when we're face to face,you're a completely different person towards ME. I miss you.

And do you know how much I wanted to cry today? You guys bought the cake for teacher's day and dabbed icing on each other's face. Manishaa asked me to stay further away from the four of you and I told her:"I don't have to. They won't dirty my face." It turns out I was dead right. I don't even think you guys notice me. I don't even think you remember I'm in the same class with all of you. You guys were having so much fun having cake war while I was just standing at the corner, watching. Then I gave up hope and went inside the hall and sat.

I realized I have always been the one to start messaging. Have any of you started texting me first? I decided to test my theory, and I was right again. I didn't text any of you for the whole day just to see that if any of you would start the conversation first. Would think of me first. But for the whole day, my phone never vibrated. Never. I couldn't stand the loneliness so I texted DP for a moment. Thank you, darling.

Didn't you guys realized that I didn't sit with you during exam breaks? You all always gathered together in a group and I sat alone at my place. I did sat with you guys for a while, but soon I found out that I have no idea what you guys were talking about and I felt so lost. It's as if I'm a puzzle from another different box. In the end, I went back to my place, but none of you called me back to sit with you, so I slowly went to someone else.

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs."

I love and hate this piece of advice because it is so goddamn true. I made my mistake and hurt myself, so whoever you are, just don't repeat what I did, kay?

And guys, I am lonely you know? I'm finding for a cure, but I do miss those times we had together.