Clear line

It's weird, I didn't feel the anger or sadness or frustration that I'm supposed to feel. In fact, I felt even better than before. Maybe because things are clear now. I'm not confused anymore. I finally know what's going on.

I'm officially out of your group. I was never in it in the very first place.

That day in the lab - I think it was physics lab - you guys tore a paper from your test pad and started writing and doodling. There were quotes, short sentences, all colourful. You used highlighters and normal pens and colour pens. Somewhere on the page you guys wrote: 'Anna, Ting, Lim, Sharmi, Prema, Dashini, Monica <3 The Great U.S <3' Then I realized it. My name was not there. I have been out of everything for a long time. I just didn't know that and kept hanging on to the past.

When I saw the paper, I was happy more than I was sad. Sad because I was never in a group with you guys. Happy because I have finally seen the clear line between us.

When I know that you guys will be going Lost World during the holidays, I was not sad either, eventhough I was not invited. I have accepted the fact that, when people want you somewhere, you will be called. When people don't want you somewhere, you just won't be called. Just don't stress yourself trying to give them hints that you wanted to be there so badly like I did. Sometimes people just don't feel the connection with you. It's not necessarily anyone's fault.

It doesn't matter whether I'm having a group or not, right? I have friends, that's what matters. When you're in trouble, I'll help you. When you're in love, I'll give you advices and bravery to speak the truth. When you're heartbroken, I'll try my best to give you strength and be there for you.

I still love you guys of course. Things might have changed, but our past was a beautiful one. I still remember the message Sharmi sent me after I wished her birthday this year. It made me shed tears. I still remember when Anna said:"I want you to hug me on my birthday." It made my heart speechless.

I have learnt to not take everything too seriously. I have learnt not to sulk over a small matter. I have learnt that there are many types of people, each different yet unique. Most importantly, I have learnt to let go.

We're still friends, and that's good enough for me. I don't have to be a part of you guys when I can watch from a distance. And you guys might be a group now, but I know that, occasionally, you guys will call me to hang out somewhere like how we used to be :)

Take care!